Friday, October 14, 2011

Relationships & Our Quest for Intamacy

Relationships are the mirror to our self. We look for the reflection of our self in the eyes of another. You attract someone who makes you feel good about you, whether they make you feel pretty, smart, confident, sexy, empowered, adventurous, or whatever it may be. All reflections cast shadows. Eventually the other person starts reflecting back your shadow nature as well. This is when the relationship moves from the magic and butterflies of the 7th into the murky depths of the 8th.

Relationships need to have the safe space at a deeper level of intimacy and enough trust to allow for self exploration so the relationship can evolve as the individuals evolve.

So many relationships get stuck in the 7th house and don’t make it to the 8th where there is a choice to “evolve” instead of just “die a slow and painful death” because no one is willing to roll up their sleeves and delve into the muck in the dark, recessed, cobwebbed corners of the psyche. You can’t stay in the reflection process forever, eventually you have to get intimate or you’ll start looking for another connection, not realizing that new connection won’t work either if you just stay in the reflection process of the 7th house. And so it goes… a new relationship and inevitable unfulfillment once the shadows emerge in the 8th house… over & over… round the hamster wheel you go.


Because you seek deep intimate connections not merely surface connections of self reflection through the mirror of other. But you don’t know that’s what you really seek because most of us don’t even know what the heck real intimacy is. Intimacy is not sex, though sex is often mistaken for intimacy. So when we get sexually bored we look for someone else because the “magic” is gone. Only the magic wasn’t in the sex, that’s the grand relationship illusion. The real magic was in the promise of intimacy and sex only ignited the flame. The flame that when unfanned with the oxygen of intimate conversational exchange - of truly being loved for our whole self, flaws and shadows and all – quickly goes out unfulfilled. Then, hungry for a new promise, in search of the next grand illusion like a moth to a flame.

It is a fact that self security and self worth don’t come from someone else; that’s why it is “self” worth. Other people don’t make us happy, yes we can argue they make us miserable sometimes, but guess what that is a 7th house projection too. Happiness is a state of mind, of beingness that emulates from the inside and radiates out into the world. It doesn’t work the other way around from the outside in. And yes we can radiate out misery too. This is why like attracts like, dogs aren’t attracted to cats, self secure people don’t attract insecure people.

You get back what you put out because only those tuned into your same frequency will pick up your signal.

When security comes from within you then there is no fear of the intimacy of bearing your soul to another. You aren’t afraid of sharing the less desirable shadow parts of yourself because you aren’t dependant on someone else’s acceptance of them to make you feel secure or ok. We are all multi-faceted individuals. Even diamonds under a microscope reveal flaws and diamonds were once lumps of coal that underwent alchemy inside the fire in the belly of Earth. Once you have fully accepted yourself, flaws, inner demons and all, then others will too, because the non acceptance you perceive from them is paradoxically your own non acceptance being reflecting back to you. Yeah think about that one! And if they don’t fully accept you once you have fully accepted you then you really could care less; you aren’t attached to their acceptance. It makes no difference either way because you are ok with you just the way you are. Technically at this point their non acceptance of your flaws would be the reflection of their non acceptance of their own same flaw. Think about that one too! So, Mr. or Mrs. Wrong who we could more precisely name Mr. or Mrs. Unconsciously Projected Piece of Me I Refuse to Own can’t possibly be attracted to you if you’ve made inner peace with that signal and signed off from the broadcast. And THAT is how you send out a new signal that attracts an also whole Mr. or Mrs. Right who is operating at the same frequency.

So if today is the day you want to take the first step toward healthy & empowered relationships...

hear my story of how I went from relationship horror stories to my dream come true relationship that I've had for seven years now. I've helped myself & I can help you!


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